Lady Bunny on Gay Travel Tips – Exclusive Interview with New Gay Travel Guide
LADY BUNNY
is THE Hardest Working Drag Queen working today! We first met Bun Bun about 7-8 years ago when she brought a mini version of Wigstock to Chicago.
Since then our paths have crossed many times, in many different cities! New York, Fort Lauderdale, Toronto, Puerto Vallartra, and most recently in New Orleans for Decadence, where we caught up and chatted over carrots! and her Skyy Vodka Infusion Drink!
How does she seem to “do it all???”
I asked for a life in show biz–and I got it. Besides, they are all so sick of me in NYC that I am forced to go on the road practically every week! Sometimes I don’t know how I keep up such a hectic pace, but it’s a recession–you worry when that phone STOPS ringing, not when it rings.
So I’m grateful for the work and if I’m performing or dj’ing in a place I like, I can sometimes stay on for a few days and snatch a free vacation. That’s definitely a perk. And I’m getting ready to dj for the designer Paco Rabanne for a Paris fashion week party! Paco is better known for his fragrances nowadays, but he was the innovative designer who created all of those gorgeous chain mail mini’s in the late 60’s and also designed the costumes for Jane Fonda in Barbarella! I’m so excited to meet one of my inspirations!
Since she travels more than anyone I know and has more frequent flyers than you can shake a wig at, our chat turned to travel tips and advice…
Flying used to be glamorous! Remember pretty, young stewardesses? Now, it’s a humiliating chore. Removing your shoes? Sometime the fumes off of Lady Bunion’s hooves are so potent that I’m afraid the TSA will think I’m a terrorist toting biological warfare! But here are a few tips that I swear by:
NEVER CHECK IN CURBSIDE. You’re just allowing your bag to pass through one more group of morons and upping the odds of having it not arrive with you. Just imagine me arriving in Puerta Vallarta on a Sunday evening with an hour before I go on and hunting through the few open shops for a big wig and a size 12 pump. It’s time for that poncho made from a hotel bedspread and a towel turban=hideous! So I suggest packing a few of your absolute musts in your carry on. It may be a little embarrassing to pull out that dildo at the checkpoint, but hey, what if you don’t get lucky in Mobile? Of course, how lucky can you be if you actually are in Mobile?
ARRIVE SUPER EARLY. An hour and a half for checked bags on domestic trips. You never know when you are gonna get stuck behind a school trip and the 50 idiotic tween girls don’t know they have to remove their jewelry before passing through the metal detector. This can make security take 30 minutes alone and once the gate is closed, it ain’t re-opening. It’s also advisable to book your trip on an airline which has another flight/flights on that day just in case. And remember–that indirect flight on Orbitz or Travelocity may be cheaper, but if you are on an indirect flight on two separate airlines you could really lose out. if the first carrier is late and you miss your connection on a different airline, the second airline has NO responsibility whatsoever for your ass. Also, when booking your itinerary, factor in rush hour traffic to what time you arrive so that you don’t get stuck in traffic after a hateful flight. And speaking of rush…
POPPERS ARE FLAMMABLE. Even though they might make your sex life hotter, they could be yanked from your luggage along with lighter fluid or even aerosol hairspray. A friend pointed this out after flying into the Provincetown airport where they actually have a sign about poppers! “Mommy, what’s amyl nitrate?”
PACK LIGHT. Now that airlines are charging for checked luggage, everyone is trying to cram as much as they can in their carry-ons and I have literally seen fights break out for the overhead space on board. And since more airlines are using smaller planes with teensy overhead compartments for domestic flights, make sure you have one very small bag for your laptop, etc.
You don’t wanna gate check that because if you’re smart, you’ve already put up your personals ad on craigslist in your destination city before departing and you don’t wanna arrive computer-less and miss out on the fresh meat appeal which you’ve lost in your own city decades ago! Plus it’s kinda tacky to check personals in a hotel business center. With one possible exception: unless there is a church convention at your hotel. You definitely want to horrify as many of those prudes as you can with graphic images and the moaning from xtube videos at top volume. Amen!
PACK A SNACK. Obviously, I like to eat. But everyone has to eat at regular intervals and unless your metabolism can worm some nutrition out of a tiny bag of pretzels made with white flour, you’re blood sugar will plummet and your flight will be wretched. I have a touch of hypoglacemia so I have to regular doses of protein (I am not even going to ask what kind of protein she is talking about! ). This makes me especially aware of this situation. But if there’s no food on board and you are forced to sit on the plane for an hour after boarding before a long flight, even the most carb conscious queen is gonna snatch every pretzel available and oink it. Nuts are the most obvious choice for a nibble since they are chock full of protein and can’t spoil. So squirrel away a big, salty sack of nuts–you’ve got dirty minds!–and buy them at a grocery or drug store to avoid paying $15 bucks per handful at an airport kiosk.
BECOME A SCHNER. That’s a word a jewish friend taught me. He said that it’s jewish for someone who grabs everything for free. Wait! Isn’t that kind of redundant in the jewish community? KIDDING! Anyhoo, many better hotels offer complimentary toiletry basics to guests who may have forgotten to pack shaving cream, razors, toothbrushes, etc. Snatch them all! And ask the maid for extra coffee, lotion, mouthwash, shampoo and conditioner. Make a habit of this and before you know it, you’ve got an array of travel-sized everything. And we all know that liquids are heavy–you can’t carry them on and regular sized bottles of these products will really weigh your bags down and up those overage fees. I haven’t purchase a bar of soap in years! Or a needle and thread for that matter!
FORCE FEED SEDATIVES TO ALL SQUAWKING BRATS! There oughta be a law. And never pop your own “dolls” until you are at the gate and have seen the plane and an on time departure is announced. Otherwise, you could snore right through the boarding process!
IMMEDIATELY PUT OUT THE DO NOT DISTURB SIGN ON YOUR DOOR. It’s especially effective if you also make your own homemade sign which says DO NOT DISTURB! ALREADY DISTURBED! written in blood and posted with a knife jammed through it into the door. Otherwise, you’ll be catching a disco nap and some dunce in a foreign language will try to enter your room for a turn-down service. I turn that service down! Who on earth needs someone to pull back the covers and put a chocolate on the bed? (I’m a bottom, so any chocolate on the bed brings back too many shitty memories.)
Also, make sure you place a do not disturb on your hotel phone line as well. That way, you won’t be disturbed by a wrong number from that bridal party next door or some kiss-ass from the front desk calling to see if everything is alright. “Yes, it’s fine! Until you woke me up with that stupid question!” CLICK! And make sure to check that the alarm is off or set to when you want it–or else you’ll bolt up at the 6:00 AM which the businessman who last stayed in your room set it to. And if you are like me, that’s right about when you are getting to bed!
*Fabulous Bunny Photos by Sergio Kardenas!
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